live and let live

The broken windows theory has a stronghold on me; it even influences my life habits.

TLDR of the broken windows theory: when small signs of disorder (like graffiti on bathroom stalls and pee-stained stairwells) are ignored, they signal that the environment can tolerate continued deterioration, hence leading to larger issues.

I (used to) make our bed every morning, wash used cups once they’re used, dispose of rolled-up tissues and wet wipes immediately, wear ironed clothes, close doors fully… among other things.

Now as a tripod (hopping on one leg with crutches), I can’t do these things with ease.

My caregiver doesn’t subscribe to my theory, and yet I’ve been desperately imposing my habits on him on top of his caregiving duties.

I’ve been unfair to him. As a patient, I should be patient. I must be patient.

I need to understand that

1. The significance of everything is now magnified because my physical environment has shrunk.
2. I hate being helpless and I hate asking for help. But I am helpless now, and I know that I need to ask for help. I also need to be ok with the help that I receive, if I were to receive any at all.
3. The quality of life I’m used to isn’t for this tripod version of me with limited mobility.

I need to reel myself in so I won’t be any more of a burden.

I need to make room for mess.

I need to live and let live.